World's Worst Sister

This is a shout out to my dear sis that calls New Mexico home:

Though Wednesday nights have become a time for me and our shared sister to get together and watch American Idol, it in no way means that we don't miss-or think- about you while we do it.

You are very special to us, and if we could make a weekly trip to New Mexico for dinner and Idol, we totally would, however neither of us get off in time to make it there to watch it.

I'm sorry for slipping it in to a blog post, and even more sorry if you felt we didn't include you.

I hope this special note makes up for it, if even just a little. Besides, we both like Scotty, and he's the country guy. You probably wouldn't agree, and we'd end up having a throw-down every week. So, really, it is better for the health of all involved.

We do love you, and are beyond excited about spending vacation with you in 2.5 months. If you would like, we can watch the whole season again while we are all together. We promise not to tell you who wins (but I will tell you who doesn't win: Jacob!).

Love and miss you dearly,
Tiffany

Um, hello?

Dear maker of Moose Tracks ice cream,

You are a current favorite. That is a very coveted position, you should know. However, I feel I must inform you that you may soon no longer be invited to the party in my freezer.

It is not acceptable to have only 2 peanut butter cups in one night's serving, and 6 in the next night's. Same number of scoops. Should mean the same number of yummy peanut butter filled bits of chocolate goodness.

I'm nearing the end of this carton, and if your performance does not impress me, it's back to my good friends B&J.

Consider yourself warned.
Smooches!
Tiffany

The Speed of Life

Dear Ansley,
     You are 18 months old today! And though you've already nearly grown out of 24 month clothing, it's hard for me to see you as anything other than my little girl.

     These last 18 months have been full of their ups and downs. Mostly up, but some pretty deep downs. But despite the fact that I feel inadequate, you seem to think I'm enough.

     I'm enough to wipe away your tears when Da-Da leaves for work. I'm enough to clean your first really scraped knee.  I'm enough to guard Bear while you take off on an adventure in the yard or at the park. I'm enough to make you laugh. And I'm enough for you to share kisses with before you go "bye-bye," even if that means you are just taking your toy keys to try and open my car door.

     I cannot believe how fast you are growing. It is literally happening before my eyes. It seems like every day, you add a new word to your ever increasing vocabulary. You call the dogs by name, you ask for certain people and you certainly know the meaning of "more!" You can follow instructions, though, most of the time you choose not to.

     As I pulled out your spring clothes, I remember what I felt as I first stored them, thinking "These are so big. It will be years before she can wear this!" But it hasn't been years. For some things, it hasn't even been a year. I remember so vividly this time last year. Finally sitting up. Still not a fan of crawling. And now, you are running. Full speed ahead.

     Ansley, please don't run too fast. I feel like the time of me being enough is quickly slipping away. Before we know it, playing peek-a-boo with Mommy will be stupid. Having me give you a bath will be weird. Those words that you are so ready to share now will become yours. Part of your story that I'm not enough for, and will be too much for me.

     Scraped knees will be the least of your worries, and Bear will become an embarrassing story you think I tell only when boys are around. You will probably still lose sleep at night, but it won't be because of teeth. It will be projects and games and dates.

     But don't go too fast, little girl. Don't fight a hug from Mommy or Daddy. Because to us, you are more than we could have ever imagined. I never could have dreamed what my life is like now. I never could have dreamed the ways you have changed me.

     I don't want you to think that it is all puppies and rainbows, Kiddo. We have our moments. Like today, when you did not want to leave the babysitter's because of the cool "toos" and "boos." In my head, I knew that you only wanted to stay and play longer, but in my heart, I already felt that I wasn't enough. And it made me want to freeze time. And keep you as my little girl.

    

I'm not made of money (though I wouldn't mind it)

Dear Ansley,

I know these past few days, you've been feeling terribly sick. It's been coming out both ends, and I feel so very bad for you.  You are welcome to snuggle in my lap as long as you want.  I just have one suggestion.

When we switched you to Huggies diapers, it was because they fit you so much better as a walker. It wasn't because they were cuter, and it certainly wasn't because they are cheaper. Because they aren't. At.All.

Here's the thing kiddo.  I know your tummy hurts. And I also know that you don't need to sit in a diaper that smells like a skunk sprayed something that is beyond dead. However, would you be kind enough to finish it all up at once, instead of waiting until momma has the clean diaper almost on?  We're regularly doing 2 diapers during every 1.5 minute diaper change. That just isn't cool, kid.

And we can't go for the cheaper ones. Because your little bum is so very sensitive, and you get diaper rash. Bad. So, please, feel better soon little one. And poop all at once.  Your parents will greatly appreciate it.

Hugsies and kisses!
Mommy

No stopping her now...

Ansley,
Wow! You are 13-months-old! 

You have not slowed down since we celebrated your birthday last month. You keep growing. And changing. And keeping me busy!

But I love it. I love every second of it. Ok, honestly, maybe I don't love EVERY second of keeping you out of the dog food, or from playing in your own diaper, but I do love you EVERY SECOND of the day!

You are opinionated. You let us know what you like. Mandarine oranges, bananas, goldfish crackers and puppies. And your smile, though still all gums, can seriously light up the room. You are so carefree and kind.  You have a deep laugh that can turn into a snort when you really get going. And, it gives me goosebumps. Because you are growing. Right before my eyes.

Since your birthday, you've learned more words, including "NO!" Mommy was hoping it would be awhile before you learned that one, and, thankfully, you have yet to tell me "no" when I ask you to do something. But, you like to tell the dogs no.

You've started walking. And, sometimes, you just walk around the room with  no goal in sight. You're walking, just because you can. Just because crawling is for babies, and that's not you anymore. And, it gives me goosebumps.

On Sunday, I put your hair in a ponytail!  Your baby hair, in a ponytail! Unreal. It made Mommy smile, but also a little sad. Because you are turning into a little girl. A cute, funny, full of your own personality, little girl!

And I'm ok with that. It's what I signed up for. Because one day, I want you to experience all that I have with you. Because it is just so sweet and special.

I want you to know that love for yourself. I want you to feel that same rush of emotions when you hold your own little child that I've felt each time I've held you. I can't put it into words. I can't explain it in a way you would understand. But I promise, when you hold your own child, you will understand exactly what I mean.

So, keep growing, because I want that for you. Just don't do it too quickly, little girl.  Mommy can't keep up.

Sugar Dumplin

Ansley,
You are 11 months old! How did that happen?

To be honest, Mommy has been too busy thinking about your quickly approaching 1 year celebration to even realize that you are now 11 months old!

10 months was a big deal. You went from single digits to doubles! And 12 months will be huge! But what's so special about 11 months?

You. The way you've started to wrinkle your nose when you laugh. The way you giggle so hard, you start snorting. The way you've turned into a big girl and don't like to take your bottle while on your back. You sit and drink it now. Like such a big girl.

You have a high chair, and you sit at the table now. You share dinner with Mommy, and breakfast with Daddy. And let me tell you little one, you do love your food. Let's hope you have the metabolism of your Daddy.

Your favorite is banana. You even ask for it. "nana, Nana, NANA!!!" At first, I thought you were actually asking for your Nana, until I realized that you say it around meal times. You even pointed to one in the grocery store and said "Nana!" just the other day. What a big girl!

Your still toothless grin melts my heart, and your morning wake up calls for "Momma" warm me to the core. You have a somewhat daring nature, venturing to stand up on Mommy and Daddy's bed, but still have no interest in even taking a solo step. But it will come in it's own time. We're not going to rush it.

Because soon, you will be a whole year old. Soon, you'll be running. Soon, you'll be full of words, and will share them with everyone around you.

But don't move too fast Ansley. Take your time, and treasure each moment. Mommy and Daddy aren't ready for you to turn down a cuddle, or keep your words to yourself. Because to us, you're still our little girl, no matter how big you get.

I love you booger.
Mommy

Whew. May I please be myself now?

Dearest blog,
How I've missed you! I've missed our time together, our secret meetings during the work day. And I've certainly felt our separation.

You calm me, and listen to my emotional ramblings, and help me work through them before I even think about hashing out the roughest cuts with the hubs. You help me get-and keep- my perspective on the busy world around me.

You help me keep track of my kiddo, and remember the things that make me laugh. You're a photo album, and lead me on walks down memory lane.

Please don't take it personally. I just haven't been able to sit down and enjoy a cup of tea with you. For one, we spent a wonderful week on vacation. Secondly, our air conditioning took it's own vacation for a week, and when the temps bottoming out around 85, sitting in the room that doesn't have a ceiling fan isn't my idea of fun. Also, Ansley decided that because of the 2 aforementioned issues, she did not have to adjust accordingly. She didn't sleep well, often waking up as though she just showered, and wanted to be held but not really cause that just made her warmer.

But I want to get back with you. We have so much to catch up on. Like the vacation, and that week Satan allowed some of his homies to visit my house, in the form of a broken AC.

And I'll promise I'll be better about keeping our dates. But I've got to be honest. If the hubs is around, you've got to hit the road.

Smooches!

Don't Forget your Manners!

Dear Volunteer Co-irker,
I mean, Cowoker,

I am so blessed that you have decided to spend your afternoon here at my place of work to help sort donated baby clothes. This ministry would not exist if not for kind-hearted people willing to give of their time.

However, though you are working in what seems like a big, multipurpose room, I must remind you that my office is is the corner. I just don't have walls, or even a cubicle. But, it's still my office, and it's where I spend the majority of my time.

Because of the openness of the area, I can hear all that is going on, and, unfortunately, some of it is very distracting. So, I ask you, please say "excuse me" or "pardon me" if you feel the need to burp. OUT LOUD.

I know it seems I am working really hard and I'm focused on my project, which is true most of the time. But burping is one of those things that simply seems to stand out. Loudly.
,
I don't know all of your circumstances, and the burping may be due to some digestive issues you can't help. But you can say "excuse me." I know you can. I've heard you.

So, please, pretty, pretty PLEASE with a cherry on top of real whipped cream, use your manners, m'kay? How am I supposed to teach my kiddo manners and expect her to use them if older adults around her don't do the same?

Huggsies,
Ansley's Momma

My child hates me.

Of this, I am almost completely certain.

Exhibit A: If Paul is holding her, she rarely comes to me. If I'm holding her, she always goes to him.

Exhibit B: If she playing on the floor and I walk out of the room, nothin'. Paul walks out of the room, squalls, and a fast little tubby tub crawling along after him.

Exhibit C: She looks exactly like him. Ok, so I know she really doesn't have control of this, but it just adds fuel to the fire.

Exhibit 4: This morning, she woke me up at 7 a.m. After feeding and playing for a little while, I had to start getting ready for work. I showered while she happily played in the floor. I went and put her in the bed with Paul while I got dressed, thinking she would be all cute and crawl all over him, waking him up to enjoy the morning. But instead, that little booger cuddled up beside him, grabbed her bear and went to sleep. At 8:30 a.m. I left for work at 9, both still snoozing. Paul called at 11, because THEY HAD JUST WOKEN UP!!!

Friday night, Ansley didn't go down until midnight, then woke up at 2 and I couldn't get her to sleep until 3:3o. We napped on the couch until 5, struggled to take a bottle, played for a bit, had some fruit at 7, FINALLY went back to sleep at 8, and woke up at 9:30, all while Daddy was able to sleep soundly in the comfy bed. Where is the fairness in that?

Ansley,
I carried you in my belly for 35 weeks. I let you kick and squirm and make me throw up and get stretch marks. I labored to get you out for 21 hours. Despite being a preemie, you weren't small, and mommy had to get stitches where no one should ever have to get them. I fed you my own specially made milk, which Daddy didn't have, and I've taken your temperature rectally, which Daddy has never done. And this is what I get?

I'll get you back, don't worry. I haven't been taking embarrassing pictures for nothing. Just wait till you bring friends over, or that first boy home. Then you'll wish you had let me sleep just a little longer.

Love,
Mommy

Where is my sweet little baby girl?

To whomever kidnapped my child and replaced her with a carbon-copy lookalike, listen up:

I WANT HER BACK. NOW.

Somehow, you managed to sneak in here when she turned 9-months old, and switch her out with a baby that looks like her, and sounds like her, and pretty much acts like her, except at nap time and bedtime.

Here's the deal. Up until this point, Ansley was no trouble to get to sleep. Nap time would come, and she'd be put in her crib with binky and bear, and sleep. For 2 hours. It was wonderful.

And she'd do the same thing in the afternoon. One for Daddy, and one for Mommy. And at bedtime? Yeah, it was glorious. A few snuggles, rock rock rock, kisses, bedtime, sleep. And sleep went from 8:30 p.m. to 8 a.m., with only peaceful sighs in between.

No cries. No whines. NO SCREAMING FOR AN HOUR IF IN BED, AND PLAYING FOR AN HOUR IF UP.

This baby stands in her crib, and grabs the side and pulls it back and forth, making this super annoying clicking sound over the monitor. This baby woke up every hour last night because she had rolled to her stomach and didn't like it. Or had kicked off her blankets and was cold. Or wanted to play. At 5 a.m.

Please kindly return my sleep-loving baby, m'kay? Immediately. And, while you're at it, make sure the obsessive drooling goes too. And the chewing on everything, even toes. And, if you have to, go ahead and return her with a tooth if that will get things back to normal.

Kisses,
Tiffany

Little Girl

Dear Ansley,

Today, you turned 9-months-old. Do you know what that means? It means you have been an outside baby longer than you were an inside baby. Yay!

I am amazed at how much you've grown over these past 9 months. Not only in size, but in personality. It seems that each day you are trying a new thing to make us laugh. And, it works.

On Saturday, you started playing Peek-a-Boo. You put your arms up over your eyes, and quickly bring them down with a smile and giggle. But, sometimes you fool us. You start to bring your arms down and decide to go with a fake out, and laugh when we say "boo" prematurely. You're going to be a little jokester.

You've been an all-out crawler now for about 2 weeks. There is no stopping you. We've baby proofed the house, but you still somehow manage to find things that you shouldn't have. Like dog food. And diamonds that you happen to find in the floor (please feel free to continue to find those, btw). You love playing with my mixing bowls and spoons, though, honestly, I think Daddy enjoys it a little more than you do.

You are pulling up on EVERYTHING, including the dogs, chairs, legs and your crib. You prefer to have someone hold your hands and let you walk around, rather than just crawl where you want.

You are growing up, kiddo. I've tried to remember all the details of the day you were born, but some things are fading, and it makes me sad. But those memories are being replaced with new ones, that I'm pretty sure I won't forget.

Like when you said "ma-ma" and I knew you wanted me. And how if Aunt Crystal is holding you, sometimes you won't even come to me. And how excited you were when you first crawled. And how you would not stop yelling and blowing raspberries on my arm while we were in Victoria's Secret. You're supposed to be subtle in that store and not draw attention to yourself!

Sometimes, I'd like to know what's going on in that head of yours. You can have the most serious expression on your face, and nothing we do can cause you to crack a smile. What are you thinking during those times? And other times, the cat can simply walk by and you will roar with a big belly laugh.

Everyone told me that you would be grown before I knew it, and I didn't believe them. But, it's happening. And it's happening right before my eyes.

So, slow down, little one. You don't have to be in such a rush. Take your time, and give Mommy and Daddy time to enjoy each individual milestone instead of piling them on top of each other. Keep playing Peek-a-Boo. Keep giggling when Daddy blows raspberries on your neck, even if it's pity laughter. Enjoy the kitty, and the puppies, but don't chew on their ears.

Soon, you'll be walking, and then you'll be running out of the door for school. But just remember, that on the day you turned 9-months-old, your Daddy was your hero and Mommy was your best friend. Well, except for maybe that darned cat that you love so much.

I love you Ansley! Happy 9-months!

Mommy

Ansley Reese, 2 days old, 9-23-09

Ansley Reese, 9-months-old (minus 2 days), 6-19-10

Please?

Dear God,
It seems that you forgot to turn on the air conditioner this morning. I didn't know if it was merely an oversight, or if it is broken. But, I was wondering, do you know about how long it will take to come back on? It's awfully hot down here, and my daughter does NOT want to put clothes on when it's hot, and I'm not taking her to the grocery store in just a diaper.
If, for some reason, you are unable to turn the AC on, do you think you could at least get rid of the sauna? It really isn't fun when your clothes stick to you.
Let me know if there's anything I can do for you, m'kay?

Love you bunches-
Tiffany

Do not disturb!

Dear real life,
Hello! It hasn't been long since we were last together. It is a joy to be with you.

However, I am writing to inform you that I will not be able to be with you tonight from 7 p.m. to 11 p.m., EST. Please understand, I have a previous commitment that I must not miss. I am saying goodbye to a very dear friend.

This day has been 6 years in the making, so I am sure you will understand. I will be spending my evening with Desmond, Kate, Sawyer, Hurley, Ben, Claire, Jack, and the Smoke Monster. I am expecting others to pop in and out, including Charlie, Walt, Sayid, Sun and Jin, and many of our other departed friends.

I know it is not typical for me to spend such an extended period of time away from you, but this will be one of the last times. As such, I ask a few favors:

1. Do not interrupt. I am kind to you and rarely leave your presence, yet you seem to show up when I least want you here. I'll be back before you know it.

2. Do not make me feel guilty about taking this time from you. We share plenty of time together. We laugh, we cry. You need to work on your sharing.

3. Please do not punch me in the face when I have to get up early tomorrow just because you were jealous, m'kay?

I may be a little upset when we do reunite, but, please understand, it has nothing to do with you. This has been a long time coming, and all my questions are supposed to be answered. If I am upset, remember this name: J.J. Abrams. He is known to be a murder of love, and may strike again tonight.

Oh, and, one more thing. I'll also need to step away tomorrow night, from 8 p.m to 10 p.m. I have a date with Jack Bauer.

Hugs and Kisses!
Tiffany

Get your facts straight

Dear people who comment on my child,

I first want to thank you for taking time to "goo" and "gaa" at my child. I love the attention, and knowing that I baked a cute kiddo brings a smile to my face. However, if I have to inform you one more time that "he" is not "handsome," but, rather, "she" is "beautiful," I may have to punch you in the throat. Consider yourself warned.

To keep all confusion to a minimum, notice the pink blanket she always has, as well as the pink outfits, or those with flowers or butterflies. In the event that she does not have the pink blanket, notice the bow in her hair, the pink pacifier, or the pink and purple snail hanging from her carrier, m'kay?

In addition, please do not tell me she "sure is healthy," or ask if I'm feeding her too much. She's chubby. She's curvy. She's a butterball. All this, I know. Though she is healthy, you don't need to point that out. And, yes, she is my child. Trust me, I was there.

Finally, thank you for greeting us at church this week. And, no. I don't normally dress my son in a dress. With pink butterflies on it.

Thankyouverymuch,
The Mommy