These lectures on my innards (or, at least, my faith).
After cruising through college and really making my faith my own, it's time to be an adult. I have a child now that I'm supposed to train up in the way she should go, and hopefully she will never depart from the Lord.
When Ansley was teeny tiny (which, really, was only about a day. or two), we decided she would stay in the church service with us. She slept, didn't cry, and we felt (and still do) that our time of worship should be shared as a family. As she got older, and would fuss, I took her out of the service, and we listened as I stood with her in the back. If she still fussed, we went out further.
Only recently, since about 10 months, did I take her to the nursery.
We get such little time together, that we like to spend what we do have together. So, Ansley gets her cup of Goldfish, a book, a few silent toys, and a chair of her own. And, normally, she's fine. But if she's laughing, or moving around a lot or just loud, I take her out.
I'm part of a young adult Bible study group (I feel that it is important to note here that by "Bible study," I mean watch a 15 minute DVD by Rob Bell and talk about it for about 10 minutes. Deluxe). Unfortunately, it meets during the week, and Paul is unable to attend, which leaves me to fly solo. Which, I'm fine with. I guess. I mean, I'm used to it by this point.
A few weeks ago, I get a text message from a dear friend.
"Speaking of getting under people's skin... I'm not sure how to say this but several people in group have been commenting on how hard it is to concentrate on the devotional dvd with Ansley between them and the tv. I really don't want to seem rude, but they elected me to see if you might mind scooting to the outside or the back of the room or maybe just trying to keep her still and quiet while the dvd is on. I know that's a difficult task with a one year old, but ansley is just too cute not to look at and we really need to be focusing on the message."
And this pissed me off. It wasn't even in a way that ruffled my Mommy-bird feathers. First and foremost, aren't we adults? Could someone not say "Hey, Tiffany, I can't see around your crazy kid. Do you mind moving her?" I would have taken that much better than the group talking about it for apparently a few weeks, nominating a good friend to say something about it, and sugarcoating it with "Ansley is just too cute not to look at..."
I know what you're thinking. But, honestly, I'm not the I-think-my-kid-is-perfect-and-never-in-the-way-and-if-she-ever-is-everyone-can-just-get-over-it-because-I-let-her-do-whatever-she-wants kinda momma. I never moved her because no one ever said anything. Period.
Secondly, as adults, shouldn't we be able to control our attention span for 15 minutes?? We apparently can't carry on a conversation based on the Bible, or even a book. Instead, we use the most attention grabbing form of media, and still can't keep from getting distracted. I've found myself in this place. Please don't get me wrong. But it's only been until recently that I said, "You know what, those little girls that do ballet in place while we sing during church? It's my problem that I'm distracted. Not that their parents are bad parents." And I control my attention.
And, there's more to the story. But I think it's best if I stop here. Because my fingers are kinda tired.