As I sit here and type this blog post, it is T-minus 43 minutes until the end of my work day, and thus, the start of vacation. However, it's T-minus 4 hours and 43 minutes until we hit the road.
So I should be excited, right? I mean, a wedding and seeing tons of family, followed by 5 days on the beach with nothing to do except relax. I should be looking forward to Ansley's first time at the beach, and all the cuteness that is sure to be involved (especially a little lady bug bikini that I found as a steal at Goodwill).
And, I am excited. I've been looking forward to leaving for about 2 weeks. I've got outfits planned for some great Ansley pictures, and, of course, the typical khaki and white family photo on the beach. It's totally happening.
But, there's this nagging feeling that has brought me so very close to tears a few times today. Even now, the screen is getting a little blurry, and I'm wondering if this is what drunk texting is like.
In September, about 4 days before Ansley was born, I had to spend 23 hours in the hospital for observation. The worst part? Not the fact that I had to wear that stupid gown, or the fact that nurses kept checking in because they thought someone was crying in my room (actually, Paul was close to crying, but America's Funniest Videos was on, and his laughter was echoing).
No, the worst part was that I had planned to have dinner with my family, because they were heading out to New Mexico that evening to help my sister move. And instead, I was stuck in the hospital, unable to hug my sister's neck, and tell her in person how much I loved her before she moved across the country.
And, that's how it will be again.
When I leave tonight, it will be the last time (for awhile, at least) that I'll get to see my sister. She's leaving again. And while I'm so terribly excited for vacation and relaxation, I'm also terribly sad that Ansley will have to say goodbye to her favorite aunt, and not understand why.
But, I am excited. I'm excited that she'll soon see her husband, who has been deployed for several months. I'm excited that they get to be newlyweds again, even if their 1-year anniversary is nearing. I'm excited that she's more courageous than I am, and brave enough to start a life somewhere else. And I'm excited about what the Lord has in store for them.
And, maybe the excitement does color the grey. But, right now, it's T-minus 4 hours and 7 minutes, and I've made it through just about a whole tissue box.