I did it! It is complete, er, at least the first two days are. I've returned to work.
Now, I never expected to return to work just four weeks after pushing out a baby. In fact, I don't think I completely expected to be able to move four weeks after having a baby. In the words of Prissy, "But Miss Scarlet, I don't know nothin' 'bout birthin' no babies!"
But, I did it. Yesterday morning, I got up, got ready for work, and kissed my husband my four week old baby goodbye. And it was not good. But, I did it.
Now don't get me wrong. I love my job and I love my office. But I've discovered I love my baby much more than that. I love my husband, but it took me months to realize it, and I am still learning what it exactly looks like. But this new love seemed to come naturally. I didn't have to learn.
Don't let me fool you. I don't have it figured out. Not in the slightest. I still seem to get peed on when I change a diaper. I've even been pooped on a few times. And, just the other day, I knocked her noggin on the door frame. It was the ever so slight bump, but totally convinced me that I indeed had no clue what I was doing.
But I didn't have to learn how to love her. I didn't have to learn how to gaze at her. I didn't have to learn to enjoy each little hiccup, or the smallest sneeze. I didn't have to learn that each cry will break my heart, even if it's just because the baby wipes are cold.
But I did have to learn how to leave. And like learning to love my husband, it's something that I expect to keep learning everyday.