Dear, sweet child currently all snuggled in my uterus,
I love you dearly, though we have yet to meet face to face. We have spent many, many long weeks together, as close as we can be. It has been a precious time.
I want you to be good and healthy when you arrive. Your sister decided to make a stop in the NICU, and we hope to avoid that this time around. However, consider this your two week notice.
You have two weeks to vacate the premises. That's 14 days. I may allow you to stay a little bit longer, however, we must establish some additional requirements should you decide to remain.
1.) Kicking the ribs must stop. My ribs are not yours to use for P90X.
2.) You are not a snake, therefore this slithery, twisty thing you have been doing that makes me feel nauseous? Yeah, that has to end.
3.) My cervix is not a trampoline. Along those same lines, my bladder is not to be used as a pillow.
4.) If you insist on remaining in my uterus, please reconsider the addition of more stretch marks. My stomach is not an interstate highway map of the United States.
5.) Your weight limit has been reached.
Once again, I don't want to rush you, but should you still be inhabiting your current living quarters in two weeks, you can expect some minor eviction attempts. Such as pineapple. And a birthing ball. And spicy food.
If you choose to remain an additional two weeks past your departure date, more drastic measures may be taken.
Once again, you are dearly loved, but I am ready for an outside baby, m'kay?