Recently

How's about a few pictures to give you a peek into our lives recently.

Baby Boy, set to arrive in May

We are excited about adding another arrow to the quiver. And not that I am disappointed, but I just haven't been impressed with the baby boy clothing options. And I know it is about so much more, but, seriously? It's like you really only have a few options: sports, frogs, trucks and dinos.  All great in their own right, but not nearly as cute as all those little girl options out there.

Christmas, 2011

We celebrated Christmas. It was fun and festive and special.  It was the first Christmas without everyone though.  My grandpa passed in September, and my little sis was hugely pregnant and wisely opted against the 20+ hour drive home.  But, we still had a fun time. Ansley seemed to enjoy it more this year, actually opening presents and wanting to play with her toys immediately.  She didn't get any clothes, which is proving to be a little bit of a problem. Cause she keeps growing. And Growing. And GROWING.  Seriously, since spring, she's gone up two sizes each season.  And now, with about 2 months of cold left, she has outgrown nearly all of her pants and shirts and winter dresses.  So, this is how she spends a lot of her time:

In "jommies"

OR

Sans clothing.

There are some battles I just don't feel like fighting these days. Most mornings, I drop her off with the sitter in her pjs. Well, not the sitter in her pjs, but Ansley in her pjs.  On the weekends, we are both in our pjs until the afternoon. And, sometimes, she doesn't have any clothes on at all. And, I'm ok with that. 

So, that's what we have been up to. Babies and toddlers and holidays and... just, stuff.

It's a good life though, and we're happy to live it.

Changes...

Things are indeed different.

For starters, I'm sitting on the sofa next to the hubs.  Not because he has an extra night off, but because he is home in the evenings now!  He accepted a position on first shift, meaning we work pretty much the same hours! For the first time in nearly 4 years, we have dinner together nearly every night. Ansley gets to see both parents, AT THE SAME TIME.

If that wasn't awesome enough, I am writing this from my very own laptop. We've had internet at the house for about a year, but our desktop decided to bite the dust. In addition, life with a two year old means I am going constantly. By the time I get the kiddo in bed, I hit the hay soon after.  I'll admit it. I have a self-imposed bed time that I follow pretty regularly. At 10 p.m., I turn into pumpkin. A mean one.  Normally though, I ended up finally sitting down about 9:30, and I would fall asleep, on the couch, before 10, moving to the bed when the husband got home.

Hopefully, with the holidays coming to a close, things will settle down and we will find a routine to fit into.  At least, until May.

Because actually, that last post about why I've been so tired? I was joking about being pregnant.

And some divine power didn't think it was funny.

Because I am.

And I really am exhausted.

So, there.

Captain Obvious

I'm doing dishes the other evening, when I notice the hubs has left his chewing gum stuck to his plate. I decide to leave the treasure on the plate for him to deal with later.

He gets home from class, and notices there are a few dishes in the sink. Mostly just a mixing bowl from the awesome chocolate chip banana bread I made (that is for another post and time. Just know that it was a little slice of heaven with some extra chocolate chips thrown in).

The hubs decides to wait to do the dishes until the next morning.

::Fast forward about 7 hours::

Hubs (almost accusative): Hey, babe? Why is there chewing gum stuck to a plate in the sink?
Me: Because you left it on your plate after dinner and rushed off to class.
Hubs: Oh, well, I, um... guess that's why then.

Seal knew what he was talking about. Time keeps on slippin' into the future.

I MISS BLOGGING!

It is such a great way for me to unwind, but I don't even feel like I have time to do that anymore.

I fly solo in the evenings and can't seem to make any time for myself. I know there are other moms out there there that also don't get the joy of working the same shift as their hubs. And they seem to be able to find time to write, to read books, to shop online, to clean house and actually make a dinner.

How did my evening go? Minute by minute breakdown:

5:05- Leave the office and head to pick the kiddo up
5:20- Kiddo in the car, heading home
5:30- Squeeze in a walk before the rain hits
6:00- Return from walk, turn the oven on preheat for our frozen pizza we shared for dinner. Go outside to play.
6:10- Mommy runs inside to put the pizza in the oven.
6:11- Back outside. Ansley is helping me weed the flower beds. Really, I'm weeding and Ansley is taking the pulled weeds to the "pile," which happens to be in the other flower bed.
6:30- Mommy gathers up Ansley and both head inside. Take pizza off pizza pan, let cook for last 5 minutes on rack.
6:32- Change Ansley's diaper
6:36- Take pizza out of oven. Cut and let cool. Fix Ansley a drink. Cut her pizza into bite size pieces. Look at the window for the storm. Still not there.
6:40- Ansley and Mommy sit and enjoy pizza.
6:55- Prepare for bath (Ansley sitting on new potty chair while Mommy repeated says "C'mon Ansley! Go pee-pee!) Unsuccessful
7:10- Ansley in the tub. Mommy wets, lathers, rinses. Ansley plays.
7:25- Still playing
7:40 Ansley out. Jammies, brushed hair, milk cup, blocks
8:15- Talk with Dada on phone
8:20- Calm down time in Ansley's room. Rocking, swaying, GT and the Halo Express playing. Mommy singing.
8:25- Ansley in bed. Mommy finally takes a potty break. Return to living room to start clean-up
8:35- Rufus starts barking, Ansley wakes up. Crying. Mommy goes out to bring Rufus in.
8:37- Mommy arrives. Ansley clicks wanting a drink. Kid has already had three sippy cups since dinner. Mommy rocks a little more
8:38- Ansley back down. Mommy back to cleaning
8:41- Bunker barks at Rufus. Rufus barks back. Ansley cries. Mommy returns.
8:42- More rocking. More singing.
8:47- Ansley back down. Mommy back to cleaning. All blocks put away.
8:57- Ansley cries. AGAIN. Mommy arrives. Kid starts clicking. Mommy gets cup of water. Rocking.
9:05- Mommy puts Ansley back down. Starts raining. Mommy closes all the windows, turns the AC on, remembers she needs laundry for tomorrow, but doesn't want to wake the kiddo up, so decides to just wear business clothes tomorrow.
9:10- Yup. Ansley cries.
9:13- Ansley back down.
9:15- Mommy starts to order Proactiv. Doesn't like that they will automatically charge my card. Decides to return to Proactiv vending machine this weekend.
9:22- Checks facebook.
9:23- Decides to write blog post
9:24- Internet crashes. Total reboot

And now? It's 9:33 and I haven't written anything of substance. The kiddo is finally asleep. The living room is partially clean, and all I want to do is go to bed. And, this breakdown? Very similar every night of the week. Normally Ansley does go down a little easier, though that is becoming less of common event.

I know that stay at home moms work. They are on the clock every minute of the day. Working moms may put in 8 hours outside of the home, but they aren't off at 5 p.m. when they get home. Because then, they are responsible to the big boss. And with the hubs gone at night, I get a taste of what single moms go through. It isn't easy. Parenting in general isn't easy.

And with all the things that I can't seem to get done, I feel like a failure on so many levels. My house is rarely clean, even though the hubs does an excellent job of helping out while he is home and I'm at work. But I feel that because I can't juggle being a mom AND being my own person, maybe I wasn't ready for a kiddo. Maybe that urge I have just to draw a warm bath and grab a book means that I should have postponed Mommyhood a little.

But, ultimately, even at the end of the day, when I'm exhausted and my teeth are fuzzy because I haven't had a chance to brush them and I'm trying to figure out if I can get away with not ironing my dress pants tomorrow and I'm struggling to hold my eyes open even at 9:41 (which, in college, was when the fun was just starting), I know that just a few steps down the hall is a kiddo who thinks I'm something special, even if my pants are wrinkled. And just a few miles away is a man that will be home in a few hours, find me asleep on the couch, and love me despite the mega blocks and plastic food that is littering the floor.

And, that does make me my own person. Because those two people love me for who I am, not how many books I read or how many witty facebook statuses I come up with. But because I love them both so much, I pour myself out day in and day out.

Besides, who needs to read Water for Elephants when there's Dr. Seuss anyway?

What is happening to me?

Ya'll, I've got it. Bad.

Before I start the post (I guess, technically, it's already started, but, just go with it), I should probably throw out a disclaimer.  I love where I am right now in life. I love my husband more than the average high schooler is in love with Lil Wayne or Ke$ha (seriously? Ke$ha???). My daughter is a barrel on monkeys, and so much more fun.  But...

So last night, we were busting out the Christmas decorations. I LOVE this time of the year (even if Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday and I refuse to move on to Christmas until the wishbone has been snapped and the football played, I LOVE this time of year).  But, it wasn't cheerful. It wasn't full of our traditional "Elf" followed by rockin' some Christmas tunes, all while sprinkling holiday cheer all throughout the house, including the back of the toilet (yeah, that's right. If you're gonna sit on my toilet, you're gonna enjoy some Yuletide cheer while doing so).

We went to pick out our tree from the local home improvement store. And, I felt rushed. Which is NOT cool.

For those of you that may sport the faux tree, you probably don't fully understand the task of picking a real tree. I'm not knockin' you at all. I simply mean that if your tree is a little bare in one area, you can bend the metal infused branches and voila! Your tree is full!

For those of us that opt for a large, moulting, dead tree (hmm, doesn't sound so magical when you put it that way) beautiful, crisp, pine-scented frazier- or douglas (I'm not a hater)- fir, finding a tree is the first battle of many that you fight.

Picking a tree? A LONG process, often involving multiple men to hold the 10-foot-trees side by side, turning, modeling, trading trees, moving to the 8 footers, turning, swapping, switching, looking, leaving, coming back, wash, rinse and repeat. That's the way I roll.

But, last night, not so much. The hubs insists that he was not trying to pressure me into "picking a stupid tree and leaving" (quotes mine). And, I believe him. However, even if it wasn't his intention to pressure me, his demeanor, along with the snotty-nosed whining kiddo that was trying to climb up her daddy's leg, caused me to make a hasty choice. Let me just add that it is a good thing that I had great friends in high school whose only "pressures" on me involved participating in some dumb skit (say, dancing to NKOTB on video) or buying matching shoes (yeah, I was a nerd.). Actually, who am I kidding? I love NKOTB even to this day.

Where was I? Oh, yeah. The tree.  Which, is currently still on my front porch because I didn't get enough cleaned to bring it in last night.  But, what's my point (I'm actually asking myself the same thing. Right.Now.)

The point is, as I was unpacking the Christmas tubs, I was thinking "what IN THE BEAUTIFUL WIDE WORLD convinced me that this was  beautiful decoration? I'm not a fan." Last night, I felt ashamed to decorate my house with said decorations.

Like I said before, I LOVE my hubs. And he is totally a kid at heart, which warms my soul. Just the other night, he was laughing so hard at Home Alone, I seriously thought he was going to stop breathing. I really do love it. Many of our Christmas decorations reflect our youth, and the excitement that comes with the season. We have very colorful, glittery, Santas all over the house. We've got partially melted snowmen, nutcrackers, nativity scenes with little children as the characters (actually, now that I think about it, those are a little more disturbing than simply being tacky).

My tastes have changed. I think I'm finally growing up! I'm beginning to like classic decorations like burlap and lace. And white lights that don't blink. And having a CLEAN house! And Willow People, of course:



Beautiful, no?  I like the simple things, without a lot of sparkles.

And I felt horribly guilty. Because I felt like it meant that I was not thankful for what I have.  WHICH IS NOT THE CASE. Our current decor is very special to me, as it was collected during our first years of marriage and is very representative of where we were at the time. But, I think it's time I finally grew up. And, I understand that just like my tastes didn't change overnight, I'm not going to get where I want to be quickly either. I've got to look to a very wise man for direction:

I got it one piece at a time, 

and it didn't cost me a dime.

Thank you so much for that advice, Johnny Cash.  I'll take it (minus the whole stealing a car one piece at a time). Oh, and, I'll pay for it.

So, I invite you to join me on this journey. This journey of shedding my glittery Santa figurines (along with my Aeropostal clothes, which, it happens to be pretty embarrassing when you are wearing the same shirt that one of your middle school students is wearing) and stepping into a more clean, classic holiday look. Basically, it's finally time for me to put on my big girl pants.

Shall we continue?

Seriously?

Dear police department that employs my husband,

Could you BACK UP OFF, please?

Listen, I know you guys are understaffed.  But that's what happens when you let 6 officers leave or get fired and you don't replace them!

My husband? He hates to leave people in a crunch. And I love that about him. But, 72 hours in a week? That is ridiculous. You may wonder why he is working so much. It's because your sergeants, who are ON CALL refuse to come in, leaving the hubs to take care of it all.  You know, he has two days off a week.  And when he volunteers to fill in on one of those, it doesn't mean that he's volunteering to fill in on that day for 8 months!

And when Thanksgiving is his day off, not something he asked for specifically, and you make him work it because somebody didn't double check the scheduling and scheduled someone who was out of town, that's your fault. You work it. Don't call my husband in because "you knew you could count on him." That's garbage. He's not even at the bottom of the totem pole!

Don't get me wrong. I am very thankful that my husband is employed. And I am so proud of the work he does. But right now, he's working on about 4 hours of sleep. He worked from 2 p.m. Saturday to 8 a.m. Sunday, and worked 2 p.m. Sunday to 8 a.m. today. And he's home now, taking care of our toddler. And he isn't sleeping!  And he's supposed to go back in at 2? You're kidding me, right?

This is what I don't understand. How come when someone calls out, the hubs is the one stuck filling in, but if he tries to call out he's told "Nope. Sorry. We don't have anyone to cover for you."

I know I'm a little grumpy about it.  But, you know what the worst part is?

Ansley sees less of her parents together than she sees us apart.  And that just isn't cool.

So, would you kindly work something out? Hire some new people? Have your on-call people actually be on call?  I miss my husband terribly, and I'm worried he's making himself sick.  And that just can't be going on in my house. So use your title of Chief or Deputy Chief, flex those muscles, and do something about it, m'kay? I don't want to have to get ugly about it. That just isn't the right thing to do.

And, after all, I am a lady.

Smooches!
Tiffany

Steppin' Out, sans kiddo

We had a great weekend!  And, rather than steppin' out with Ansley, the hubs and I were able to go on a date (if eating and shopping counts as such).

So, here's the thing. I've got this awesome new phone, but I'm completely unable to use it.  But, we snapped a quick picture before we left the hotel room (pardon my mess. Seriously.)

Me:
Pink tunic top, Old Navy
Cardigan, Old Navy, last year
Jeans, (you'll never guess) Old Navy
Shoes, thrifted, but Target brand
Motorola Droid 2, Verizon Wireless

Hubs:
Blue dress shirt, Sears
Fleece vest, OCI, JC Penny
Jeans, so old, I don't even know. Duckhead, I think
Blackberry Storm, Verizon Wireless

It was super fun to step out without the kiddo. We were able to enjoy some dinner, and spend some time at the mall (a great date for me, not so much for the hubs). And yes, I'm a shortie.  I know. Normally, we don't have pictures like this because he is so.stinkin'.tall, and I'm, well, so.stinkin'.short. But alas, here is our height difference in all it's 14 inch glory.

And, Ansley? Well, she stepped out with the grandparents to Walmart and a soccer game, but I have no clue what she wore.  I do know that she spent all day yesterday in pajamas because she was puking everywhere.

A great thing to return home to...

A big step

Tonight, the hubs and I are headed out of town for a weekend getaway. Sans kiddo.

I'm concerned. I'm excited. Anxious. Scared. Anticipating.

This won't be the first time I've been away from Ansley. A few months ago, the hubs had a week of training two hours away, actually in his hometown. So he took the babe to spend a week with the grandparents. It was difficult then, but at least she was with her daddy.

But this is the first time she's be away from both of us for more than a few hours.

The in-laws are coming to spend the weekend at our house, to feed the dogs, and, more importantly, Ansley.  We'll be just an hour away, and plan to be back early afternoon Sunday.  I know everything will be perfect, and it will be a great time for the in-laws (as long as the kiddo keeps sleeping in, and doesn't revert back to her 6:30 wake up).

And, we'll have fun. And, we need it. Because no matter how much we invest in Ansley, if we aren't investing in our marriage, it does no good.

So, wish us luck! And if you hear groaning, it's probably because the in-laws are accustomed to central time, so Ansley waking at 6:30 is really 5:30 to them. And they may not like that too much.

A first

This weekend was possibly the best ever.

Friday, despite the hubs picking up an extra shift (like he really needs to, working 6 days a week) on Friday, we were able to meet my sister and her hubs for dinner. And, I did something I swore I would never do.

Now before your mind starts wandering to places it shouldn't, I must say that it was completely G-rated, and in no way or fashion could have gotten us kicked out of Sears. I've simply said for many, MANY years that I was totally against this, but, I found myself right in the thick of it, enjoying every second of it on Friday night.

I looked at Christmas decorations. And it isn't even Halloween.

I know, awful, right?  I just couldn't help it. It was all twinkly and flashy, and so festive that I looked. And even talked about decorating. And even almost bought new decorations! And totally forgot that Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday!!

After doing what should be illegal until the fourth Friday in November, we went home and had an awful night with Ansley.  Waking constantly, and not easily going back to sleep. Which, led to one of my fits of anxiousness, which, I may discuss later. Just know that once we got Ansley to sleep, Paul then had to work to get me calmed down.

Saturday was new and exciting, despite being exhausted from the night before. It was gorgeous outside, and our spontaneity from our dating days returned, and we decided to tailgate at the Tennessee/Alabama game, and eventually decided to stay for a most of the game.

Here are some pictures from our first UT game!

Ok, so I'm a total band geek and was most excited about the band. Nerd.

Ansley's first tailgate! and a super cute bow from her aunt.

I flippin' love.this.face.

Investigating. No teeth at this point, but it poked a shiny little top through the next day.

Rocky Top, you'll always be, home sweet home to me (even if you are having a horrible season).

 

Ok, so, a ton of pictures, I KNOW! I'm so sorry, but I couldn't pick just one.  So, if you don't want to look, just skip to the next post. Or, whatever. But you know you like it.

I'll have to put Sunday in a post of it's own. Because Saturday was just that awesome.

Brand New Day

Despite sleeping in the recliner last night with a stuffy baby (and, subsequently her sliding off in the middle of the night...oops), today has been a much brighter day than yesterday.

After a rough night, I put Ansley in the bed with Paul while I got ready for work. When I came in to tell him bye, this is what I caught:

Can it get much better than that?

Happy Friday!

No way. NO.WAY.

I didn't really get much of a chance to blog last week. For starters, my neighbors have been out of town so I'm pretty sure they turned their Internet off while they were gone. And, since their signal just happens to trespass into my computer room, their departure meant the Internet decided to stay home.

The more important reason I didn't blog? This week, I got to understand what it's like to be a single mom. And ya'll, it sucks.

Now before you run of thinking that the hubs hit the road, let me explain. Paul was going through some training during the day, and was working his normal shift in the evenings. So he was leaving at 7 a.m. and getting home, completely exhausted, at midnight, just to do it again.

Ansley found her way into my bed each morning about 7, where she used me as a jungle gym as we watched Arthur (which, by the way, there is an episode of Arthur about head lice, just an fyi). We got up at 7:30. Ansley had her rice and fruit, then a diaper change.

While I showered, she played in the bathroom floor. I fixed my hair, did the make-up and got dressed while she happily (normally) sat in the floor playing with Rascal or mommy's foam rollers.

Then I gathered everything up, put Ansley in the car, drove about 10 minutes out of my way to drop her off with my blessed sister who so kindly "offered" to watch the kiddo while I was at work. I arrived at work about 5 minutes late, which, considering I live less than one minute from work if I drive there, yet I still manage to be late, was pretty impressive.

I'd work til 5, then head back to pick up the kiddo and go home. Mornings were the same all week. Paul did get to come home early two evenings though (really three, but because he had to work 3rd shift that night, he slept from about 5 p.m to 9 p.m.). And what did I learn?

1. I learned I never want to be a single mom, EVER. Even though Ansley was fairly easy to handle, it was still a struggle to get myself ready for work, the dogs fed and put out, and Ansley ready to go. On top of that, trying to clean up after getting ready was nearly impossible, and I was lucky if my breakfast made it out the door with me.

2. I have a new respect for single moms. I've always respected them, but this week made it that much more real to me. Especially when they still manage to look gorgeous while doing it. How is that even possible?

3. Sometimes, you just have to let the babe cry, because it isn't a good idea to try and use a flat iron with the baby on your hip.

4. It is such a blessing to have a sister that is home visiting and considers it a PLEASURE to keep the kiddo for 8 hours a day for no money, but the status of "favorite aunt."

5. Crawling babies need more food, or they will become babies who wake up in the middle of the night hungry.

6. It doesn't matter how long you ignore the monitor and pretend to still be asleep, if your husband is tired enough, he's not going to wake up.

7. If you make enough appearances in public sans husband, people will ask you if you are still married.

8. Sometimes, it's worth skipping lunch just to catch a nap.

9. Never, NEVER take for granted the generosity of someone willing to hold the baby while you eat, or go to the bathroom, or breathe. It's beautiful.

10. Pop-Tarts are perfectly acceptable for dinner.

It is difficult when Paul works such a strange schedule. It's flippin' hard and I feel like I'm going to pull my hair out sometimes (like when I FINALLY get Ansley down and Bunker decides to run through the house barking and chasing the cat, that actually should be outside but isn't because I can't catch him because the dog is chasing him and the baby is crying and my cell phone is ringing and I'm missing the season finale of Glee), but I have that reassurance that my husband will be home. Eventually.

And, if I need him to, he'll stay up with Ansley, even if he's tired. Because he loves us. And, he'll even watch Glee.

Is this what I signed up for?

When I was telling the hubs about the new blog series I started, he was offended that I first wrote of Ben & Jerry's instead of him.

I tried explaining that it is simply understood that I love him and our daughter, and these writings were to focus more on the things that make me who I am, to which he quickly replied "Aren't you who you are because of me?"

So to ease his conscience, I will share some things that I love about the hubby (please note that some of these things have taken time to grow to love).

1. I love his weird quirks, and occassional OCD. What, all the coffee cup handles aren't turned the same way? For me, no big deal. For him, it means taking the cups out of the cabinet and rearranging them. It has also grown to mean that I simply don't put dishes away, since I know he's just going to move them.

2. His passion for a beautiful yard.

3. His willingness to make chocolate chip pancakes for me every Saturday, even though he's not a fan.

4. His complete comfort in who he is, yet his willingness to make adjustments when I may not be. He will head to the grocery store in a shirt with holes, athletic shorts and tennis shoes with his church socks or knee high soccer socks, just pushed down. I get totally embarrased and he doesn't mind putting on nicer clothes for me, even if we're just going grocery shopping.

5. I have to get on to him for not letting the babe play with her toys because he's afraid she'll destroy what he has built.

6. He enables my Ben and Jerry's addiction.

7. Though I thought I never would, I love how he likes to have his back scratched before he goes to bed, and how much he appreciates it when I put toothpaste on his toothbrush for him.

8. He's a freakin' awesome athlete.

That's him, catching the ball!

9. I hate to admit it, but I do love that he doesn't let me spend money the way I want. If so, we would eat only ice cream and we would get new clothes from Old Navy each season.

10. I love that he's willing to work to provide for his family.

There it is. 10 reasons I love my husband, including his quirks (which, I honestly only really started to appreciate).

Ah, thanks honey. I love you too.

So, I was brushing my teeth before bed the other night.

I'm already in my jammies, the make-up is off, and that mess on top of my head (traditionally called hair, but looks more like Medusa is renting the space) is already pulled back.

Enter, husband. Stand behind wife, and offer a kiss on the top of the head. Then, pull back.

"Hmm. Hey, you may want to think about coloring your hair sometime soon."

Did that really just happen? Did my sweet and loving husband look at my hair and tell me I needed to dye it? Am I really getting gray hair, I mean, I'm only 26!

"If I need to dye my hair, it's because you made it this way! Oh, and, you may want to leave the heat on tonight, cause I have a feeling I'll steal all the blankets."