Recently

How's about a few pictures to give you a peek into our lives recently.

Baby Boy, set to arrive in May

We are excited about adding another arrow to the quiver. And not that I am disappointed, but I just haven't been impressed with the baby boy clothing options. And I know it is about so much more, but, seriously? It's like you really only have a few options: sports, frogs, trucks and dinos.  All great in their own right, but not nearly as cute as all those little girl options out there.

Christmas, 2011

We celebrated Christmas. It was fun and festive and special.  It was the first Christmas without everyone though.  My grandpa passed in September, and my little sis was hugely pregnant and wisely opted against the 20+ hour drive home.  But, we still had a fun time. Ansley seemed to enjoy it more this year, actually opening presents and wanting to play with her toys immediately.  She didn't get any clothes, which is proving to be a little bit of a problem. Cause she keeps growing. And Growing. And GROWING.  Seriously, since spring, she's gone up two sizes each season.  And now, with about 2 months of cold left, she has outgrown nearly all of her pants and shirts and winter dresses.  So, this is how she spends a lot of her time:

In "jommies"

OR

Sans clothing.

There are some battles I just don't feel like fighting these days. Most mornings, I drop her off with the sitter in her pjs. Well, not the sitter in her pjs, but Ansley in her pjs.  On the weekends, we are both in our pjs until the afternoon. And, sometimes, she doesn't have any clothes on at all. And, I'm ok with that. 

So, that's what we have been up to. Babies and toddlers and holidays and... just, stuff.

It's a good life though, and we're happy to live it.

Like Sand Through the Hourglass...

So are the Days of Our Lives.

Before you start thinking I'm going to write about how it is an insult to humankind to cancel soap operas, or, as my grandma so lovingly calls them, "stories," let me say that is NOT what this is about.

Honestly, I can say that I haven't watched a soap in, um...15 years? But, it is true. I was totally a fan.  Of Days of Our Lives and Passions, to be specific.

I'm pretty sure my siblings hated me during the summers. Because being home from school for 3 months meant that from 1 p.m. to 3 p.m., I took charge of the television.  I have no idea why my parents let me watch them. And I can honestly say that they didn't really make sense to me. I knew early on that someone couldn't die, but then it be a faked death, but then a witch casts a spell on them and they lose their memory and then they really do die but they come back because the witch actually loved them.  On TV? 3 days. IRL? 3 years for that storyline to play out.

I used to think the best job in the world would be acting on a soap. So many different stories and so many different cute guys to kiss. I am not even kidding.

So, yeah, this isn't about that. It's about how I can't seem to get a grasp on time.  Each day feels like just a few hours, and before I know it, a whole week has gone by. Months ago, I put a down payment on a beach house for vacation. MONTHS. 6, actually.  And now, that trip is just 2 weeks away.

Don't get me wrong. I'm totally excited. I've been wishing time would go quickly so this trip would get here. It's our first family vacation. I don't mean me, Paul and the kiddo. I mean my family. My parents, my siblings, my sibs-in-law. Our first. EVER.

I've spent so much time wishing it to get here, that I've missed the simple beauty of every day.

I've spent a year and a half wishing for bedtime, only to end up with a kiddo that will be 2 in as many months.

I can remember being younger and feeling like time passed so slowly. It would never be Christmas. It would never be summer vacation. It would never be time for me to drive. It would never be time for me to graduate. College would never end. Marriage was so far away...

I celebrated 5 years of marriage. My 5 year college reunion is this fall. My 10 year high school reunion is next year. I took down the Christmas tree in Ansley's room about 2 months ago. And Christmas is in 5 months.

Where does it go? The time? When did I grow up? Because I feel like I'm missing so much. I go to sleep to wake up to a new day. Another X on the calendar. Another day of anticipating vacation, and counting until bedtime.

The Speed of Life

Dear Ansley,
     You are 18 months old today! And though you've already nearly grown out of 24 month clothing, it's hard for me to see you as anything other than my little girl.

     These last 18 months have been full of their ups and downs. Mostly up, but some pretty deep downs. But despite the fact that I feel inadequate, you seem to think I'm enough.

     I'm enough to wipe away your tears when Da-Da leaves for work. I'm enough to clean your first really scraped knee.  I'm enough to guard Bear while you take off on an adventure in the yard or at the park. I'm enough to make you laugh. And I'm enough for you to share kisses with before you go "bye-bye," even if that means you are just taking your toy keys to try and open my car door.

     I cannot believe how fast you are growing. It is literally happening before my eyes. It seems like every day, you add a new word to your ever increasing vocabulary. You call the dogs by name, you ask for certain people and you certainly know the meaning of "more!" You can follow instructions, though, most of the time you choose not to.

     As I pulled out your spring clothes, I remember what I felt as I first stored them, thinking "These are so big. It will be years before she can wear this!" But it hasn't been years. For some things, it hasn't even been a year. I remember so vividly this time last year. Finally sitting up. Still not a fan of crawling. And now, you are running. Full speed ahead.

     Ansley, please don't run too fast. I feel like the time of me being enough is quickly slipping away. Before we know it, playing peek-a-boo with Mommy will be stupid. Having me give you a bath will be weird. Those words that you are so ready to share now will become yours. Part of your story that I'm not enough for, and will be too much for me.

     Scraped knees will be the least of your worries, and Bear will become an embarrassing story you think I tell only when boys are around. You will probably still lose sleep at night, but it won't be because of teeth. It will be projects and games and dates.

     But don't go too fast, little girl. Don't fight a hug from Mommy or Daddy. Because to us, you are more than we could have ever imagined. I never could have dreamed what my life is like now. I never could have dreamed the ways you have changed me.

     I don't want you to think that it is all puppies and rainbows, Kiddo. We have our moments. Like today, when you did not want to leave the babysitter's because of the cool "toos" and "boos." In my head, I knew that you only wanted to stay and play longer, but in my heart, I already felt that I wasn't enough. And it made me want to freeze time. And keep you as my little girl.

    

Overnight

A lot of things can happen overnight.

Like, you can go to bed living in a peaceful country, and wake up to your nation being attacked.

Or, you can settle in for a late night with a month left to go in your pregnancy, and wake up to your water breaking.

Or, you can go to bed with your baseball team winning, and wake up to realize that they were knocked out and won't make an appearance in the World Series.

Or, you can go to bed with a completely gummy baby, and wake up to one that has a tooth! And, I might add, a second one quickly behind.

That could possibly explain the torture that was the last few nights.

I think I'm going to miss the gummy grins though... But, at least Paul will stop practically chewing her food for her.  I'm over the whole baby bird thing.

Yay for Ansley!


disclaimer: Paul doesn't actually chew Ansley's food for her. Instead of cutting or tearing things, he bites it off for her. Still grosses me out though.

No stopping her now...

Ansley,
Wow! You are 13-months-old! 

You have not slowed down since we celebrated your birthday last month. You keep growing. And changing. And keeping me busy!

But I love it. I love every second of it. Ok, honestly, maybe I don't love EVERY second of keeping you out of the dog food, or from playing in your own diaper, but I do love you EVERY SECOND of the day!

You are opinionated. You let us know what you like. Mandarine oranges, bananas, goldfish crackers and puppies. And your smile, though still all gums, can seriously light up the room. You are so carefree and kind.  You have a deep laugh that can turn into a snort when you really get going. And, it gives me goosebumps. Because you are growing. Right before my eyes.

Since your birthday, you've learned more words, including "NO!" Mommy was hoping it would be awhile before you learned that one, and, thankfully, you have yet to tell me "no" when I ask you to do something. But, you like to tell the dogs no.

You've started walking. And, sometimes, you just walk around the room with  no goal in sight. You're walking, just because you can. Just because crawling is for babies, and that's not you anymore. And, it gives me goosebumps.

On Sunday, I put your hair in a ponytail!  Your baby hair, in a ponytail! Unreal. It made Mommy smile, but also a little sad. Because you are turning into a little girl. A cute, funny, full of your own personality, little girl!

And I'm ok with that. It's what I signed up for. Because one day, I want you to experience all that I have with you. Because it is just so sweet and special.

I want you to know that love for yourself. I want you to feel that same rush of emotions when you hold your own little child that I've felt each time I've held you. I can't put it into words. I can't explain it in a way you would understand. But I promise, when you hold your own child, you will understand exactly what I mean.

So, keep growing, because I want that for you. Just don't do it too quickly, little girl.  Mommy can't keep up.

Let's go for a walk.

That's what I can say now, in my house. And it happens.

Because, I have a walker! Not one of those plastic and metal things to push in front of me, but a walker! Not a crawler, or a cruiser. But a full blown, take a walk from the living room through the dining room, past the kitchen and into the laundry room walker!

Thankfully, Ansley hasn't been like most toddlers I've heard about. You know, the ones that skip walking and seemingly go straight to running.  She is still a little uneasy and wobbly, but she loves walking. She gets such a huge grin on that chubby little round face.

Last night, I just watched her as she toddled around the house.  No particular goal in mind, just enjoying a little more independence.

And she is enjoying it to the brim.  Today, Ansley was in the bathroom while I got ready for work. I heard a few things being shuffled around in an ::gasp:: un-baby-proofed drawer, then she walked out as quickly as she came in (Yikes. So weird to say Ansley walked).  I heard a splash and knew something ended up in the dog's water bowl.

Paul walks in and hands me a compact of eyeshadow. Dripping wet (the eyeshadow, not the hubs, just in case you were confused). And I laughed. Because we've entered a new stage. And I love it.

However, in an effort to keep her within arm's reach, and to keep her blocks of ice (better known as feet) warm, I bought her some of "you know, those shoes for the house with the soft bottoms" (Paul, dear, they're called house shoes. Much easier than calling them "soft bottomed shoes for the house").

Ansley now sports these big, red, fuzzy ELMO slippers! Complete with googly eyes!  She isn't a big fan, but they are too stinkin' cute to just pass up, even if I'm not a regular on Sesame Street.

And, this new adventure we're on?  Love it.  It seems that I'm always saying "this is my favorite stage."  Even though she's moving from one to the next without looking back, it's still my favorite each time we get there.  And the best part? I'm being led by a little hand connected to a very curious little girl.

What a hoot!

The celebration is officially over. Ansley is a whole year old!

We celebrated 3 times! Three times I sang happy birthday, and three times Ansley looked at us like we were stupid.

The first celebration came a few days before her birthday. As we celebrated with close family friends, Ansley enjoyed her very first Twinkee (and, if Daddy has anything to say about it, that will also be her last!)

On September 21, we worked our way into her room at 7:20 in the morning, and woke her up singing "Happy Birthday." I discovered that Ansley is just like her momma in one way: if she's sleeping, don't wake her up unless you are ready to deal with the ensuing wrath.

Not the best picture, but she's obviously not very happy. But, I came offering gifts of chocolate chip muffins, so that should have made the early wake up worth it. I guess the mind of the 1-year-old couldn't quite grasp that.

But, we celebrated. We celebrated that evening with a trip to Nana and Poppa's. Not too exciting, because the real celebration was to come.

We have not had rain in nearly a month. But as we got closer to the day of the party, the chances of rain increased. And increased. And continued to increase. We had a special fundraiser that morning for work, and we were rained on periodically. I debated changing the date.

And the sky was dark. And her party was planned for 3:30 in the afternoon, right smack dab in the middle of the rain cloud. But, I stood strong. We were having her party OUTSIDE, and it was going to be perfect.

I had debated for several weeks on what the theme should be. Princess, out. FOREVER. Hopefully, Ansley will appreciate the fact that she's not a princess, and that doesn't mean we love her any less. She can enjoy princess movies, but the moment she is seen in a shirt that says "I'm a princess," call the authorities and report a kidnapping.

I also knew I didn't want to simply do a theme of the number "1." Though she's not a princess, Ansley deserves more than just that. After much deliberation, and fighting the urge to go against the grain with something completely obscure, I decided to go with owls. Because it was so.stinkin'.cute.

I mean, look at that! Absolutely adorable. And, those big blue eyes reminded me of Ansley's, so I had to go with it.

So, I had the decorations, including a pinata. (Yes, I bought a pinata for a 1-year-old's birthday party. And I filled it with candy. And little party favors that my mom yelled at me for giving to Ansley.) I couldn't just make other plans. It wouldn't work. No one had RSVPed, so, if I moved it, I had no idea who to contact to let them know. So, we finished up our cake, packed up the car, and headed to our destination. And, by cake, I mean totally awesome, homemade and decorated piece of brilliance.

I know it isn't professional quality or anything, but it was so outside of my comfort zone to even attempt this. Normally, I solve problems by throwing money at them, not by picking up a tube of frosting (though, honestly, that could make for some very interesting debates.).

We kinda took the "K.I.S.S." method when it came to her party. I knew I wanted it to be something special, because, honestly, I feel as though I've dropped the ball a lot as a first time mother. But, I knew anything too extravagant was just a waste of resources, since she wouldn't enjoy being outside at one park anymore than outside at another. But, I have dropped the ball a few times. I don't have her feet prints in her baby book. I don't remember exactly what day she started crawling, or even when she started standing on her own. I don't know the date of the first time she said "momma." Though she wouldn't remember, I wanted something fun for my memory bank.

So, we kept it simple, but made some great memories. We had family and friends there to help celebrate, and I'm pretty sure Ansley got more gifts than she really knew what to do with.

And, there was cake. Rather, cupcakes. And, Ansley devoured it.

Yes, Ansley had a matching bib, thanks to my bestie and one of Ansley's "Aunts." She also had a matching shirt that I managed to save until her birthday, and now she can wear it whenever! Hoot!

All in all, it was a very special day, despite the fact that some very important people were unable to share in the celebration. And, at the end of the day, when Ansley was tired and finally curled up in bed, I was able to sigh a big sigh of relief. The rain held off, people showed up, and my little girl enjoyed her first birthday party.

I'm not ready for this.

I just put my little baby girl to bed for the night. A little early because she skipped her afternoon nap.

When I get up in the morning, I'll have a 1-year-old.

And I can say that, because she was born at 6:20 a.m.

Goodnight baby girl, and good morning little lady.

Sugar Dumplin

Ansley,
You are 11 months old! How did that happen?

To be honest, Mommy has been too busy thinking about your quickly approaching 1 year celebration to even realize that you are now 11 months old!

10 months was a big deal. You went from single digits to doubles! And 12 months will be huge! But what's so special about 11 months?

You. The way you've started to wrinkle your nose when you laugh. The way you giggle so hard, you start snorting. The way you've turned into a big girl and don't like to take your bottle while on your back. You sit and drink it now. Like such a big girl.

You have a high chair, and you sit at the table now. You share dinner with Mommy, and breakfast with Daddy. And let me tell you little one, you do love your food. Let's hope you have the metabolism of your Daddy.

Your favorite is banana. You even ask for it. "nana, Nana, NANA!!!" At first, I thought you were actually asking for your Nana, until I realized that you say it around meal times. You even pointed to one in the grocery store and said "Nana!" just the other day. What a big girl!

Your still toothless grin melts my heart, and your morning wake up calls for "Momma" warm me to the core. You have a somewhat daring nature, venturing to stand up on Mommy and Daddy's bed, but still have no interest in even taking a solo step. But it will come in it's own time. We're not going to rush it.

Because soon, you will be a whole year old. Soon, you'll be running. Soon, you'll be full of words, and will share them with everyone around you.

But don't move too fast Ansley. Take your time, and treasure each moment. Mommy and Daddy aren't ready for you to turn down a cuddle, or keep your words to yourself. Because to us, you're still our little girl, no matter how big you get.

I love you booger.
Mommy

On the Horizon

It's almost here. I can tell.

Ansley is on the verge of standing on her own. I mean, I've caught her in the act a few times, but as soon as she notices I'm looking, she quickly grabs the couch or whatever else is nearby.

This morning, Paul was eating a bowl of cereal on the couch. Ansley was STANDING on the couch beside him. As soon as I walked into the room, she smiled at me and leaned back against the arm of the sofa. She's playing me as a fool.

The day I bought her a little pool, she decided she didn't like to sit in water anymore. Her last 3 baths have consisted of her standing, holding on to the edge of the tub, and picking up her rubber duckie in her mouth. What an entertainer.

I feel as though she knows she can stand, and may even be ready to take those first few steps, but she simply doesn't want to. She isn't ready to gain a little more independence.

And I think I'm ok with that. Because right now, she still holds my hands if she wants to walk around. But once she's going, I'll have to make her hold my hand just to cross the street.

So, maybe she's waiting. Maybe she thinks everything is happening too fast as well. Maybe she isn't ready to let us in on her little secret. She does seem to have a sneaky little grin.

Yesterday sucked.

Yesterday sucked stunk (I have to remember that I am still a lady).

It wasn't the typical run-of-the-mill bad day. Ansley was an absolute joy, and very easy to handle, going down easily and briefly waking about 3:30 for her paci.

I didn't lose my job, or bounce a check. I didn't get a ticket, or even stub my toe (though I did drop a very heavy coffee mug on my foot that got me dangerously close to saying a very not nice word).

I didn't burn dinner, or have a huge argument with the hubs. But I did cry my way home.

I normally don't use this blog for such negative purposes as complaining about people, but it's my blog, so get over it.

Growing up, I spent much of my free time with an older cousin. I pretty much lived at her house during the summers and school breaks. This was how it worked, up until about 7th grade.

We normally had a good time, but moments would come when my aunt would have to send me home, because we had obviously spent way too much time together and were getting on each other's last nerve. But, we had fun, and I have some great memories.

My first trip to Disney world and Sea World was with her. My first major-league baseball game was with her. My first trip to the Atlanta Zoo was with her.

I have some bad memories too. Like when I made her mad and she dumped a cherry slushi on my head at the Atlanta Zoo. Or when she showed me these awesome, HUGE, long cotton stickers that her mom used, and had me stick them all over the living room walls (ok, they were pads and that was actually pretty funny). Or when she told me my parents only got married because I was born.

She was an only child, and we were pretty much like sisters, even though she's about 6 years older than me.

I hit middle school, and started to turn into my own person. I would spend my summers with friends, and started to go out on my own. I started traveling, and seeing things for myself, all while she seemed to look for love in all the wrong places.

There was never really a huge falling out that I can trace our problems back to. No argument, no name calling, nothing. But somehow, I became the focus of her distaste.

She has always loved kids, and after much difficulty conceiving, she found herself pregnant with twins thanks to IVF. When I announced my first pregnancy, and discovered my little one was due just a couple weeks before hers, I was excited about having someone to share my experience with. No congratulations, only a cold shoulder.

And when I found out that I lost the baby, almost half-way through my pregnancy, no comforting words from someone who had experienced similar difficulties.

Maybe I'm just dense, but I didn't really think too much of it until last summer. Some of our family had ventured down from Indiana and over from Arizona. Despite being so far apart, we can have a great time when all together.

I was pregnant. Very pregnant. They were only in town for a few days, and we were planning on going out to dinner one evening. She called to ask how many reservations were needed, and once she realized that my mother and I were planning on attending, the plans were canceled and dropped, as far as I knew. I found out from my sister that everyone was getting together at my cousin's house.

Maybe I shouldn't have invited myself, but I did. And I showed up. And my aunt from Arizona was all about me being pregnant, talking about babies and feeling over-active Ansley playing soccer with my organs.

Several things happened that day. She would not be in the same room with me. And when she was griping that no one would go pick up the pizzas, leaving her to do it, she did not even acknowledge my multiple offers to go pick up the pizza. So, I left. I took my sister, brother-in-law and brother and left.

Fast forward to last night. Same family is in visiting. We are all enjoying our evening at my grandparents, spending time with cousins and second cousins.

I'm not sure what happened after that. It involved her not even looking at me, and going from room to room to make sure she wasn't near me, ignoring anyone who played with my kiddo.
And, so I left. And I cried. All the way home.

And it kills me. Because as much as I want to shrug it off and simply say "Oh well, her loss," I know it isn't. It's my loss too. And it's Ansley's loss.

My parents have always told me it's a jealousy issue. Which I find ironic since she grew up getting everything she asked for, while I enjoyed her hand-me-downs and toys from Goodwill. It's also been described as sibling rivalry, but I've never experienced anything like that with my sisters. We fought like sisters do growing up, but we are all extremely close now, and we even say "I love you."

I've bent over backwards to try to make it better. And sometimes it seems like it is, but I know it isn't. And it hurts me. Because I can see Paul's family get together, and all the cousins gather round, and share their funny stories. And laugh together for hours. And that doesn't happen with me or any of my cousins.

If you made it to the end, good for you. I left a ton out, but didn't feel I wanted to completely air out my dirty laundry. And I thought about not even writing this, since it is a public blog, and my cousin could find her way here. But, I'm ok with that. Because from everything I've seen, since it has to do with me, she'll steer clear.

Where is my sweet little baby girl?

To whomever kidnapped my child and replaced her with a carbon-copy lookalike, listen up:

I WANT HER BACK. NOW.

Somehow, you managed to sneak in here when she turned 9-months old, and switch her out with a baby that looks like her, and sounds like her, and pretty much acts like her, except at nap time and bedtime.

Here's the deal. Up until this point, Ansley was no trouble to get to sleep. Nap time would come, and she'd be put in her crib with binky and bear, and sleep. For 2 hours. It was wonderful.

And she'd do the same thing in the afternoon. One for Daddy, and one for Mommy. And at bedtime? Yeah, it was glorious. A few snuggles, rock rock rock, kisses, bedtime, sleep. And sleep went from 8:30 p.m. to 8 a.m., with only peaceful sighs in between.

No cries. No whines. NO SCREAMING FOR AN HOUR IF IN BED, AND PLAYING FOR AN HOUR IF UP.

This baby stands in her crib, and grabs the side and pulls it back and forth, making this super annoying clicking sound over the monitor. This baby woke up every hour last night because she had rolled to her stomach and didn't like it. Or had kicked off her blankets and was cold. Or wanted to play. At 5 a.m.

Please kindly return my sleep-loving baby, m'kay? Immediately. And, while you're at it, make sure the obsessive drooling goes too. And the chewing on everything, even toes. And, if you have to, go ahead and return her with a tooth if that will get things back to normal.

Kisses,
Tiffany

Little Girl

Dear Ansley,

Today, you turned 9-months-old. Do you know what that means? It means you have been an outside baby longer than you were an inside baby. Yay!

I am amazed at how much you've grown over these past 9 months. Not only in size, but in personality. It seems that each day you are trying a new thing to make us laugh. And, it works.

On Saturday, you started playing Peek-a-Boo. You put your arms up over your eyes, and quickly bring them down with a smile and giggle. But, sometimes you fool us. You start to bring your arms down and decide to go with a fake out, and laugh when we say "boo" prematurely. You're going to be a little jokester.

You've been an all-out crawler now for about 2 weeks. There is no stopping you. We've baby proofed the house, but you still somehow manage to find things that you shouldn't have. Like dog food. And diamonds that you happen to find in the floor (please feel free to continue to find those, btw). You love playing with my mixing bowls and spoons, though, honestly, I think Daddy enjoys it a little more than you do.

You are pulling up on EVERYTHING, including the dogs, chairs, legs and your crib. You prefer to have someone hold your hands and let you walk around, rather than just crawl where you want.

You are growing up, kiddo. I've tried to remember all the details of the day you were born, but some things are fading, and it makes me sad. But those memories are being replaced with new ones, that I'm pretty sure I won't forget.

Like when you said "ma-ma" and I knew you wanted me. And how if Aunt Crystal is holding you, sometimes you won't even come to me. And how excited you were when you first crawled. And how you would not stop yelling and blowing raspberries on my arm while we were in Victoria's Secret. You're supposed to be subtle in that store and not draw attention to yourself!

Sometimes, I'd like to know what's going on in that head of yours. You can have the most serious expression on your face, and nothing we do can cause you to crack a smile. What are you thinking during those times? And other times, the cat can simply walk by and you will roar with a big belly laugh.

Everyone told me that you would be grown before I knew it, and I didn't believe them. But, it's happening. And it's happening right before my eyes.

So, slow down, little one. You don't have to be in such a rush. Take your time, and give Mommy and Daddy time to enjoy each individual milestone instead of piling them on top of each other. Keep playing Peek-a-Boo. Keep giggling when Daddy blows raspberries on your neck, even if it's pity laughter. Enjoy the kitty, and the puppies, but don't chew on their ears.

Soon, you'll be walking, and then you'll be running out of the door for school. But just remember, that on the day you turned 9-months-old, your Daddy was your hero and Mommy was your best friend. Well, except for maybe that darned cat that you love so much.

I love you Ansley! Happy 9-months!

Mommy

Ansley Reese, 2 days old, 9-23-09

Ansley Reese, 9-months-old (minus 2 days), 6-19-10

If I were to get married today...

This has been the summer of weddings. There have been 4 already. One I didn't make it to, and we still have one more to go.

I went to a wedding of a coworker last week, and was simply astonished. She had 12 attendants. Not only was I not one of them, but several girls that she was good friends with in high school weren't part of the group either.

I don't write this because I'm upset that I wasn't included. That's not it at all. I write this because I was stunned. Of the 12 attendants, she was only related to 4. That means 8 bridesmaids were high school/college friends. I started racking my brain. If I were to get married today (just work with me here), who do I consider my close friends? Who is such an important part of my life that I would want them to share that day with me?

I got married right out of college. Literally. I graduated, and the next day, I was married. Wasted no time. I had 5 attendants, and 1 honorary. Would they change today? Yes.

If I were to get married today, I would still ask my sisters to be in my wedding. Not because they are my sisters (as was much of the sentiment 4 years ago), but because now, we really are friends. Occasionally, we can be the best of friends, but, let's be serious. We're still sisters ya'll, even if we have grown up.

My sister-in-law was also part of my wedding. We've grown much closer over the last 4 years, so I would surely want to share that day with her. But, I've also grown much closer to my other 2 sisters-in-law, and it would be difficult for me to ask the younger but not the 2 older. So, that would put me up to 5, if I were to get married today.

4 years ago, my college roommate was my maid of honor. Unfortunately, I think that would change. I still love her. To.Death. But, she's married now, and has lived across the globe, and more recently, 2 hours away since college. When we get together, it is like no time has passed, and it's great. But those times seem to be far between. We grew alot during college, and then, it only made sense to have her literally standing beside me. I think I would still have her in the wedding, because she was my roommate for 2.5 years.

Two of my high school besties. They would definitely still be a part of my wedding, if I were to get married today. I'm not as close to one as I was in middle school, but that's cause we spent every waking hour together growing up. We're both married now, and I'm pretty sure our hubbies wouldn't exactly go for up-all-night sleepovers. But years of devotion to boy bands cannot go unrewarded, even if you haven't had a sleepover in six years.

I didn't really know where I fit in high school. Amazingly, I'm still in contact with a large number of people I went to high school with. Partially thanks to facebook, and partially thanks to a young adult Bible study I attend. But there are some from high school that I was SO close to that I wouldn't have had a second thought about having them in my wedding if I got married before college. But college was a growing time for all four of us girls. Even though we happened to be AT THE SAME SMALL COLLEGE, we somehow managed to grow apart. And I'm not sure why. I don't know if it's because in high school, maybe I tried too hard to force my way into that group. But, if I got married today, I wouldn't even know how to contact two of the three, even if I needed them to be in my wedding.

I miss those girls, and very often wonder how they are doing. I've recently reconnected with one of the three, and it's wonderful to catch up on her life, and how she's growing and raising her own little family. And, it's great that no matter how much time passes, inside jokes are still just as funny as the moment it happened in gym class.

If I got married today, that coworker that got married last week would be in my wedding. Because, right now, she's part of my inner circle of friends. We went to high school together, as well as college (wow. I think I've finally realized that I went to college with A TON of people that I went to high school with.), but it's only recently that we've become really good friends. We talk about babies and sex (though that could simply be because it's part of our job). Her husband is fun and gets along wonderfully with mine. We've planned double dates, and I honestly cannot wait to have another married couple as friends.

[Tiffany scrolls back up and realizes how RIDICULOUSLY LONG this post is]

So, I'm at 9 attendants. There's always the one, in every wedding, that you're really not sure why they're there. You know, not related, and in the same circle of friends, but not the BEST friend? I would probably have 3 of those. Two of which, surprise, I happened to go to high school with, and a third that I suited with in college. One girl, in particular, I've only really gotten to know this past year. She's a ton of fun and has been grafted into our "Cool Kids Lunch" every week. The other girl, also from high school, I got to know better in college and try to talk to regularly.

So, that puts me at 12 attendants, if I were to get married today (and here I was thinking I used to have so many more friends). But, I have to say, I am so glad I'm not getting married today. Because Ansley wouldn't be here. And, sometimes, it doesn't seem to matter how many friends you have, and how many fun things seem to be going on. Because really, all you want to do is go home, pick up a book, and read to that little one, in hopes that you'll be called "ma-ma" once again. And maybe this time, it will be on purpose.

Stop it, Right now!

Ansley is 20 days from being 9 months old.

Let me repeat that. 9 MONTHS OLD.

I always hear people saying "Oh, it will go by so fast. Treasure every moment." I just wish someone had warned me that it would go by this fast. I haven't even finished her room yet!

Here's the latest:

We have a crawler...almost. I guess we have more of a lunger. She'll get on her hands and knees, rock back and forth a little, then lunge herself forward. 9 out of 10 times, it results in a face plant into the floor. She has mastered moving backwards though.

She may look like her daddy, but she has her aunt's attitude. No joke. When she first started eating solids, it was kinda cute to watch her sputter out what she didn't like. Cute is no more. If she doesn't like what you are feeding her, it will either end up on your face, or each bite will be followed by a loud grunting scream.

She's also becoming a fit-pitcher, turning bright red, clenching her jaw and fists, and then screaming when she doesn't get her way. Whether it's yucky food, mommy's sunglasses being taken away, or daddy not stopping to say hi while passing through the living room. Who knew babies could be impatient?

Sometimes, I'm pretty sure she's going to turn green and rip her clothes off. My family calls her Baby Hulk. It may soon become a reality.

We had our first real fever. It hit suddenly, and topped out at nearly 104. Yes, I kinda freaked out. Yes, I was one of those first-time mommas and called the doctor. Yes, I took her in and yes, the doctor said nothing was wrong, just to piggy-back Tylenol and Motrin. I thought Paul would be frustrated with my seemingly invalid concern, but he laughed and said, "Just getting closer to the deductible." Score.

The new puppy? Yeah, Rufus came to us with mange. Not the bad kind, but he was thoughtful enough to share it with Bunker. So, two trips to the vet, two skin treatments and one antibiotic later, Rufus now lives outside. Not just because of the itchies, but also because he mananged to squirt poop on my living room wall. Not sure how, but didn't want to risk finding out with another episode.

Ansley went swimming for the first time! The best part? Something happened with my SD card, and I lost all my pics of the inaguaral event. Ridiculous.

Life has hit an incredibly slow point at the office. As busy as the school year is, we all kinda start going crazy after one week of office time. Plus, I won't be getting off early, so Ansley will be with the sitter about three hours a day.

This is the summer of weddings and babies (well, that's more so the fall). We've made it to 2 weddings so far, and still have 2 to go. And, babies? 4. Three friends, and a sister-in-law. Time really is just flying by. Oh, and I've been married for 4 years. 4 WHOLE YEARS!

So, that's our life as of late. Nothing incredibly funny or sad to tell. We're looking forward to our vacation next month. Last year took us to Puerto Rico. This summer, we're staying close to home and spending a week in Ocean City, Maryland.

Sometimes, it feels like time just creeps by. When Ansley is fussy or just a handful, I find myself wishing away the few hours before bedtime, just so I can have some time to myself. But after I put her to bed, I find myself sneaking back into her room and I just stand there. I look into her crib, and just watch her sleep. It's those moments, when the tick of the clock seems to stop, that I take a deep breath. I breath in the soft scent of a freshly bathed babe, and sigh. Because even though it seems like nothing will steal that moment from us, I know that just a few hours will bring a new day. And, with that new day comes more milestones, more personality, and even less time as a baby.

She's growing up. Maybe I should glue my eyes open so I don't miss anything.

Clear as mud

Just to clear something up, I am not intending to stop the blog. I love it, and do it for me, as a way to track my journey of motherhood. It helps me organize my thoughts and serves as a virtual journal.

And, yes, a few times I did put random sentences in my papers. In fact, the first draft of my thesis included only about 10 actual pages, while the other 26 were ramblings. I did complete the entire paper for my final draft though.

So, on to much more important things. Ansley, of course!

As we near five months, I can't believe my newborn is quickly approaching half a year. The proof is in the pictures.

This is Ansley, 4 days old, still in the hospital. Unfortunately, going into labor five weeks early meant that I didn't have a bag packed, and we forgot to take a camera. The only pictures we have of Ansley before this point are currently on my cell phone.

And, here she is, just a few days ago. I am totally amazed as I watch her development. She grabs toys, everything goes in her mouth, and she loves her rice cereal. One success!

She likes to grab my face when I hold her, which was totally adorable until she fish hooked me. That hurt. Like. the. Dickens.

She has no interest in rolling over yet, and if I pull her up by her hands, she goes to standing. Great. Let's just skip rolling over and crawling and start walking. I don't think so. Oh, and her new trick? Large amounts of spit up during tummy time. Lovely.

We're on a regular schedule, which is great, except going to bed at 8 means she wants to be up at 6. Nope, not happening. Here's the binkie, now GO BACK TO SLEEP. Last night she wanted to play from 2:30 until 4:30. But, of course, not by herself.

Ah, parenthood. At times, easy as pie. Other times. Drives me crazy. But, I love it. I love that she smiles when I pick her up from the sitter's. I love that she giggles when I laugh at her. I love that she tries to mimic my facial expressions.

And I love that she saves most of the dirty diapers for Daddy.

Score.

When did I grow up?

Dang. I'm 26 ya'll! I've been married for 3.5 years, and I have a kid (that will be 4 months old tomorrow, btw). When did that happen? Not, the kid. Trust me, I remember when she got here. But when did the growing up happen?

Well, I guess it can be argued that I never actually grew "up." I got older, sure, but the hand-me-downs don't pass to my younger sisters, but rather pass from them, to me. That's right. I'm smaller than my siblings. All of them. And at this rate, Ansley will be passing her clothes on to me by the time she's 5. I'll have to go to a thrift store just to buy her dress-up clothes she can fit in.

Yeah, so, back to the getting older part. I'm not exactly sure when that happened. I remember high school just fine. Nope, didn't happen then. I remember college. All four years, actually. Don't think it happened then.

I remember graduation, and my wedding day (though, it's kinda a blur since the two events occured within 36 hours of each other). Don't think it happened then.

Hmm. I remember paying bills. Don't think it happened then. I also remember getting a real job, and having to work real hours, but I don't think it happened then.

I remember both pregnancies, the one that ended in a loss, and the one that gave me a beautiful daughter, but it didn't seem to happen then.

So, when exactly did it happen? I'm not an adult. You're kidding me. I have a hard enough time taking care of myself, and now all of a sudden I have to take care of a baby. What in the world!?

I guess it happened so gradually, I didn't notice. Kinda like Ansley's clothes. I haven't noticed her getting bigger, but she is. She still seems like the little 7 lb. bundle I brought home on September 26. But she's not.

And one day, probably when she brings the first boy home, graduates high school or college, gets married and has her first kid, I'll look at her and ask the same thing.

When did she grow up? And it will have happened right before my eyes.