Go away and leave me alone!

So, you know that game where you click the squares and use the numbers to help find the mines? It's called minesweeper, cleverly enough.

Anywho, if you aren't sure how to play, you end up just clicking squares watching that little smiley face at the top hold his breath as what is hiding behind the square is revealed. "3? Ok, that means this square is bordered by 3 mines."

The game isn't really hard. But, it is addictive. I mean, EXTREMELY addictive.

So, here it is, 10:30 p.m., and after a long day with a whiny baby (which, unfortunately, seems to be the norm as of late), I'm sitting here blogging about minesweeper. Because I can't stop. At.All.

I'm tired, my teeth are fuzzy, the house is a mess, laundry needs to be done, and I'm still dressed for a wedding that was 4 hours ago.

But I've just got to play one more game. Just one more, then I'll go to bed.

Do not disturb!

Dear real life,
Hello! It hasn't been long since we were last together. It is a joy to be with you.

However, I am writing to inform you that I will not be able to be with you tonight from 7 p.m. to 11 p.m., EST. Please understand, I have a previous commitment that I must not miss. I am saying goodbye to a very dear friend.

This day has been 6 years in the making, so I am sure you will understand. I will be spending my evening with Desmond, Kate, Sawyer, Hurley, Ben, Claire, Jack, and the Smoke Monster. I am expecting others to pop in and out, including Charlie, Walt, Sayid, Sun and Jin, and many of our other departed friends.

I know it is not typical for me to spend such an extended period of time away from you, but this will be one of the last times. As such, I ask a few favors:

1. Do not interrupt. I am kind to you and rarely leave your presence, yet you seem to show up when I least want you here. I'll be back before you know it.

2. Do not make me feel guilty about taking this time from you. We share plenty of time together. We laugh, we cry. You need to work on your sharing.

3. Please do not punch me in the face when I have to get up early tomorrow just because you were jealous, m'kay?

I may be a little upset when we do reunite, but, please understand, it has nothing to do with you. This has been a long time coming, and all my questions are supposed to be answered. If I am upset, remember this name: J.J. Abrams. He is known to be a murder of love, and may strike again tonight.

Oh, and, one more thing. I'll also need to step away tomorrow night, from 8 p.m to 10 p.m. I have a date with Jack Bauer.

Hugs and Kisses!
Tiffany

Ahh, innocence.

Most times, I totally love my job. I love feeling like I'm actually making a difference in the lives of students. I love teaching things that they care to learn about, rather than quadratic equations.

Most days are good. For me, bad days at work mean that I have a quiet class. And even on those days, typically there is at least one class that interacts.

For the curious ones out there, I am a "risk-avoidance" educator. Basically, I get paid to talk about sex. All.Day.Long.

We teach abstinence. Not just from sexual activity, but all risky behaviours such as alcohol, tobacco and drugs.

This post isn't to argue about safe sex vs. abstinence, but, rather to share in the innocence of my students.

Many times, I have to actually turn away to avoid laughing at their questions. Sometimes, I don't even make it all the way around before losing it. It's a topic that the students are curious about, and more times than not, they have no idea what the truth of the matter is.

So, sit back, grab some goodies (I suggest double stuf oreos or half baked ice cream), and enjoy some conversation from my students.

"I heard if you eat salad, it will kill your baby." -Girl, 7th grade

"So, when you eat an egg, are you performing a chicken abortion?" -Boy, 7th grade

"How do doctors do abortions? Do they just hit the woman on the stomach with a big hammer?" -Boy, 7th grade

"So, if the baby can hear inside the womb, should you be careful not to say cuss words around the stomach?" -Boy, 9th grade

"I think women are like fine wines. I want to sample each one." -Boy, 9th Grade

"Is that why babies speak babble first? Because they can't clearly hear in the womb?" -Girl, 9th Grade

"So, you're telling me there's absolutely no way for a boy to have a baby?" -Boy, 6th grade

"If someone has an STD then they're a hippie?" -Boy, 7th grade

"My dream is to never get married and have 50 cats." -Girl, 6th grade

"Is Brett Favre your husband?" -Boy, 7th grade

"Wait. What's abstakence?" -Boy, 7th grade

So this is what it's like...

We don't have cable. Or Dish. And we never have.

I grew up with a television, with cable, in my room. Even in college, the dorm had a TV in the lobby, and there were plenty of others around campus for me to catch "my shows."

Since we've been married, we've operated on an antenna. And it hasn't been too bad. I can't watch the news (as a news junkie, that is a big deal), but I manage. I can use the internet for that. But, even with 5 channels, I somehow manage to spend too much time in front of the TV. And it's spilling over to Ansley.

She watches Sid the Science Kid in the mornings, followed by Clifford. Now, she doesn't actually sit and do nothing but stare at the TV, but I can tell she does enjoy the colors. We've also, occasionally, let her watch Two and a Half Men (in my defense, Paul is a much bigger fan of the show than I am).

But, yesterday, we decided against vegging in front of the boob tube. Ansley and I played outside. And went on a walk. And played outside some more. She LOVES being outside. It doesn't matter what we are doing. She is perfectly content to sit in the grass and hold a stick.

Yesterday, we played fetch with Rascal. Ansley laughed every time Rascal brought the ball back. And she played with Rufus. And it was fun, even for this techpendent mommy.

Then, she had dinner, and we played some more. After a long bath (I guess it is a good thing that she enjoys bath time so much, especially since she likes being outside so much), we snuggled on the porch swing for a bit. Then, she enjoyed her bedtime bottle while I cooked dinner. Even though it was just spaghetti, and pretty much cooks itself, I was involved.

I would have loved to rock the kiddo to sleep, but she will have nothing to do with that. She prefers to be put in bed while she is awake and put herself to sleep. So, after putting her down, I ate dinner. Now, I will admit, I watched television while eating. But it wasn't what I would normally watch. I bypassed American Idol (ok, I'll be honest. The channel was out.) and watched Nova on PBS. It was about tornadoes. And it was really stinkin' interesting.

And, then, I did the dishes (again, honestly because the channel Glee comes on was out).

But, ya'll, I enjoyed it. I enjoyed pulling myself away from the television for some time outside with Ansley. I didn't exactly enjoy doing the dishes, but I know it will make things easier for Paul, because I've already packed his lunch for tomorrow and the sink isn't full of dirty dishes. That, I enjoy. It makes me feel like super wife.

Now, I'm not saying I'm tossin' the TV to the curb, but what I am saying is that I actually really enjoyed my day. I enjoyed being outside, and I enjoyed watching Ansley interact with the pups and nature.

I don't expect us to get cable any time soon, and I know for sure that Ansley isn't going to have a TV in her room. We'll spend time together, outside, or inside playing games and laughing at each other, not the TV. And, just maybe, eventually that TV will make it's way to the curb.

That is, after I figure out what's going with Lost.

My Partner

I love my husband. There is no hiding that fact. He is honest, trustworthy, faithful, and really, really good looking.

He is a hard worker, doing what is needed to provide for our family. When I was pregnant and my air conditioning went out in my car, he said he would fix it for me. He got me a new car. My dream car.

He's worked numerous jobs at a time, and has made multiple offers to me to stay at home with the babe. But, we're partners. And I want to help.

Right now, his work schedule means that Ansley and I spend evenings together five days a week. She gets mornings with Daddy and evenings with Mommy. Thursdays and Fridays are our family days, as well as Saturday mornings and Sunday mornings.

It isn't the most fun. But, after a couple of years, you get used to it. I don't have to feel guilty about having specific television shows I enjoy watching. Because Paul isn't home, and it doesn't take away from our time (though, it does occasionally happen to take away from laundry time). I get time to blog, and read, and take a warm bath, and keep filling up the tub when the water cools off. And I love it.

But, even when I'm eating from my personal pint of Half Baked and watching Glee (I started out as a closet fan, but no more. I am Totally.Addicted.), I miss him. And sometimes, I miss him so much I can't think about anything else. I can't distract myself, and all I can think about is when he will be home.

Tonight is one of those nights. It hasn't been particularly bad. Ansley's bedtime routine wasn't trouble. I even cooked myself dinner rather than opting for the regular bowl of cereal or frozen meal. It's been a good night. But I miss Paul. And I really need him here. NOW.

Because my back has been itching for about an hour, and I can't reach it. And it's driving me crazy.

Some rocks should be left unturned.

One great aspect about my job is that there are certain things I can do at work and totally say it's "job related."

Like, watching 16 and Pregnant. Or Teen Mom. Awesome.

So, last week, I was looking for some pictures of womb babies. One thing led to another, and to another, and before I knew it, I was watching birth videos. Yes, that's right. I watched videos of other women's nether regions doing what seems physically impossible.

First, I opted for the water birth video. It was actually pretty tame, and awesome, so I continued on to my next feat: a natural birth.

Now, don't get me wrong. Labor hurts. Sure, maybe I wimped out by getting the epi, but that was after 18 hours without one. But this woman was screaming. And Wailing. And Crying. And Cursing. Out.Loud. There was no attempt at going to a calming place. No rythmic breathing. Just camera shots of things I didn't want to see, followed by shots of her 4 year old son asking his dad why mommy's privates looked like that.

No kidding. Now, I love Ansley. And, she'll be with us at the hospital with the next one. But I'm not planning on giving her and anatomy lesson using Mommy as a life size model. Ain't gonna do it.

Eventually, that baby made it's way out, but, golly, it wasn't easy.

Then, as though I had not had enough, I watched a video of a c-section. I honestly thought that after the natural birth, watching the c-section wouldn't be a big deal. Fail.

After meeting the couple, I learned about the different incisions that can be made for a c-section. Then, Freddy Crugar made his appearance, in OBGYN form.

They sliced her. Not a big deal. I can handle that. The thing that got me was seeing them pull the abs apart. Barf. I think I actually gagged. Then, they sliced the uterus, and pulled this fat little baby head out. and let it sit there for a little bit. So, here's this mom with a head coming out of her abdomen. Aliens, anyone?

A coworker heard my gags, and asked what I was watching. I told him, and he responded "Cool! Let me see!" So I watched it. AGAIN!

It made me very happy that I turned down the doc's offer to position a mirror so I could watch Ansley being born. Yeah. I didn't watch my own kid come out, but I watched three other women as they birthed their babes, crowning and all.

So, I thought I would share a birth video with my readers! This isn't one of the previously mentioned videos. This will not scar you, but you may pee your pants from laughing. Enjoy!

p.s.- This is a scene from Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls. Don't judge me, but I think it's freakin' hilarious.

Make Over Day!

So, whatdoya think? I felt like the place needed a little brightening up, so I did a little dusting, and some rearranging, and found a few new things, and, tada!

I'm not one to keep things the same for too long. I just get so...bored.

My parents hated this fact about me, I'm sure. Cleaning my room was never a simple folding of the clothes, making the bed and a quick vacuuming. It was often a three day fiasco that including dumping out all of my desk and dresser drawers, rearranging the furniture, and redecorating the walls.

I never painted my room. But, I should have bought stock in teen magazines. Yes, I'll admit it. I was a HUGE BSB fan, followed closely by N*Sync. My walls looked like Tiger Beat threw up all over them. I wish I had all that money back I had spent on those magazines. 2 a month, at apx. 2.50 each, for about 18 months... ok, so, it's only like, $90. But I think you could add another $50 in for good measure.

Hanging the posters was more of an art. Each photoshoot would typically include one large poster of the group, and then you would have to coordinate all the smaller ones around the big one. Every once and a while, Tiger Beat would screw up and put one band member on the front poster and another band member on the back. That was not good planning on their part.

As new photoshoots were released in the new magazines, it would be time to switch them out, and do a complete redesign.

Like I said, it probably bordered on obsession. But I was a total closet fan, and only my closest friend knew how overboard I was. In fact, she started the whole thing and called to me from the water. "C'mon! Just join me! The water is warm all the Backstreet Boys are here with me!"

Whenever there was a appearance on TV, I taped it. I had about 10 VHS tapes full of interviews, music videos, performances, you name it. My friend and I would get together on weekends and watch our tapes, and learn the dances. Yes. It's true. At one point in time I knew the dances for both "Everybody" and "As Long as you Love Me." We even celebrate their birthdays. Yikes.

Feel free to insert your laughs and mockery here.

I can remember when I realized it was time to stop. We lived in a double wide trailer growing up, and one spring, I think of my freshman year in high school, a terrible storm came our direction. I tornado had been spotted just a few miles down the road, so my parents decided it was best to hit the road and seek more stable shelter in the local hospital where my mom worked.

So, while the fam gathered up the furry members (my brother was perfectly capable of getting ready to go. I'm talking about the family pets), I rushed through my room removing EVERY poster with a delicate "down, up" fashion to tear the posters out from their tacks. I then folded them, according to their creases, and placed them in a huge plastic tub THAT I BROUGHT WITH ME. We made it through the storm safe and sound, but I decided not to hang the posters back up. It was time.

And I didn't hang them back up. And I stopped watching my videos. And I realized what a total loser I had been. But, ya know, I still have a soft spot for the boy bands of the late 90s. Heck. I still totally love NKOTB. And now, I can listen to the music and remember the fun that I did have. And I can laugh at myself.

And, I wonder if one day, Ansley will get hooked on a boy band. Hopefully, I can steer her clear of an obsession, but, if not, I have a TON of posters she can have. They're just some old things that I can't seem to get rid of.

So, enjoy the new look, and share your obsessions. They may just brighten someone's Monday.